Thursday, May 1, 2014

How To Deal When the Young Adult Novel You Just Read Ended Badly

It's a normal Thursday and Sam's at school for the moment, so I'm just going to spend a little time blog/journaling about the literary trauma that just occurred here recently.

I just finished reading a popular young adult novel last night. We'll call it "People Living In A Dystopian Future Try To Figure Out What the Deal Is." Maybe you can guess what series I'm subtly hinting at. And, if you can, just imagine that the book I'm referring to is the last book of the series. But, maybe don't imagine that if you haven't read it yet.

OK, now that we're semi-crystal clear on the book I just read, let's talk about the bloody aftermath that is surely happening in the hearts of all young adults/and young-at-heart adults who read this book and currently want to seriously un-read that book. Or at least re-write portions of it in our leisure time so that it can end the way it was obviously meant to.

I read the last book of this unnamed series over the last 48 hours. This means I snuck reading time in to places I shouldn't have, such as hiding it in my lap while I spoon fed my baby applesauce. And while "watching" a mind-numbing episode of the Care Bears with my four-year-old. And while I should have been cooking dinner or taking a shower or cleaning out the fridge or calling my grandmother.

I NEEDED to know what happened to the two main characters for whom I had developed a reader's affection that can sometimes lead to possible subconscious prayers being said for the welfare of those characters. (Side note: Where do prayers for non-existent people go? Discuss.)

Then the book ended. And, let's just say someone important died. Like DIED.

What? No, wait. I just read like 980 pages of words about these people and now I care about them in a weird, hard to explain, non-three-dimensional way and one of them just DIED?

Ok, so, it's been approximately 12 hours since finishing the book and I'm still feeling a little ticked off at this total curveball I just got thrown and my inner 15-year-old self is planning to pen a draft of a possibly strongly worded letter to the author in my red, leather-bound diary with the heart lock on the front. Well, that's not really going to happen, mainly because I haven't seen that diary in twenty or so years. Also, because it would be weird and considered possibly emotionally unstable. Similar to this blog post.

Anyway, in light of all this heart-rending disappointment brought on by the ending of this book, I feel the need to offer a few thoughts on ways to cope now that you know (If you've read it) that (SPOILER ALERT) Tris and Tobias CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER AGAIN. LIKE EVER.

Here you go:

Rewrite the last few chapters of the book to end the way you need it to.

Or maybe rewrite the whole thing because, honestly, who wasn't getting a little annoyed with how the author kept portraying Tobias as kind of a wimp. (Seriously, Veronica? He has four fears. Four. Remember?) 

Go ahead and start that Facebook support group page you've been thinking about. Just don't use the name "Tris and Tobias 4 Ever" because that might already be taken. (Did you catch the subtle way I used "4" in that title as a little reference to our favorite Dauntless character's adorable nickname?)

It might be time to get that tattoo you've been wanting. Mine's healing nicely and I'm pretty confident a turtleneck will cover up those birds in flight when I visit my parents.

Check online for info on how to get a permit to build that small bonfire in your backyard that may or may not include the book we've been talking about. I didn't have any complaints from my neighbors, despite the fact that the smell of a Kindle burning is a little less pleasant than a regular paperback. (Shout out to Leslie who let me borrow her Kindle. Sorry I had to destroy it, Leslie. I really didn't have a choice.)

Be on the lookout for the Faction Cookbook I'm putting together here in the next few weeks. Pretty sure Amazon will pick it up, but if not, I'll ship one to you for cheap. Dauntless hamburgers, Amity fruit pie, Abnegation dry bread, Tris and Tobias's favorite date-night cookie recipe, etc. all will be included.

Set up an email address such as or and email them occasionally about how you're feeling.

Call me sometime if you need to talk or reminisce about Tris and Tobias and the good old days in Dauntless. I'll be here, journaling, and maybe writing the fourth installment of the series entitled "Emergent: Tris Comes Back From the Dead and Marries Tobias and They Make Babies and Live on a Farm in the Country and Live Happily Ever After." I just need to get the publishing rights worked out.

Here's to life after Allegiant. May the odds be ever in your favor. Wait. I mean, Tris and Tobias 4 Ever!


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