Thursday, June 16, 2011

Awkward Dating: A Look Back

As I may have mentioned in earlier posts, being a stay-at-home mom includes the perk of having too much time to think (note: this is not real time that might enable one to go to the mall or read a book, rather it's the space in my head that's not being used during the Thomas the Train episodes I find myself watching with Sam and all the dishwashing I do while staring down at the drain).

A lot of this "free" time is spent pondering what to make for dinner. Some of it gets used up wondering where Sam has hidden the remote control. A very little of it is spent considering world peace. And the rest of it is spent daydreaming.

This post is the result of some mild reminiscing of my life before Matt, when date nights were rare (which is not so different than now, but I'm not blaming anyone) and frequently awkward. I thought I'd type up a quick synopsis of some of the more unusual of these evenings. I included the first date spent with my last first date (also known as Matt) as well as the one that concluded my dating life (also known as a proposal).

For your amusement, here are a list of my more noteworthy dates:

There was...

-The one that included an additional girl (who apologized to me in the ladies' room for being on my date).

-The one that included dinner, a drive back to my house, and my being dumped in my driveway.

-The one that very nearly included me being literally eaten by an alligator. (I cried a little on this one.)

-The one that included dinner and an animated movie in the theater (I thought I'd finished out my animated movie phase with "The Little Mermaid" in 1992).

-The one that found me sitting in the dark at an empty park watching a car full of possibly illegal immigrants surround me as I waited for my date to pick me up (this probably needs more explanation than I'm giving here).

-The one that included dinner and then an awkward family movie viewing.

-The one that included my date realizing he'd forgotten his wallet after ordering dinner and a rather pricey selection of beverages (for himself).

-The one that included my reading a list of expectations for the impending relationship which really should have ended with my being dumped right then and there. That came later.

-The blind date that included a swanky dessert and then a honky tonk bar until 2 am.

-The one that included Steve Earle.

-The half-date (as so described by my half-date) that included paparazzi.

-The one that was cut short so that my date could attend a party afterwards. Without me.

-Another blind date that included my (12 years my senior) date showing up in blinding-ly white tennis shoes.

-The one that included a "Potential Wife" interview.

-The one that included my date discovering that he had graduated from high school the year I got out of college. (This information seemed to throw him off his game considerably.)

-The one with the handsome computer enthusiast whom I may or may not have accidentally met on Myspace (feel free to judge).

-The one when my date was awkwardly vulnerable while I told jokes.

-The one with the actual genius who had lived in a commune of geniuses in
California. What?

-The one that included a European castle, an engagement ring, and reindeer for dinner.

Disclaimer: This post was written under the assumption that anyone I have ever dated doesn't read my blog. So, if you found yourself on this list, it probably wasn't you I was talking about.


  1. "(this probably needs more explanation than I'm giving here)"

    I think you could add this next to all of them! Girl, I really want to hear these stories. But, I am sorry for these unfortunate experiences . . . although now you really do have a great arsenal of stories.

  2. I'm impressed by the amount of dates you've been on. I think I've been on two or three. Also, regarding this one: "The one when my date was awkwardly vulnerable while I told jokes," let's be honest. That's pretty much all your dates.

  3. hahaha! I remember some of these. Dating life stinks. Thank goodness we found good guys to save us from this kinda of bad night!



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