The Space Between: Home

This past week had me feeling uneasy and sad as I watched the news and read the constant online updates about Boston. I also laid awake at night trying not to think about the abortion doctor on trial for killing babies after they'd been born and the Planned Parenthood representatives who are unbelievably defending him. The weight of the evil that human beings are capable of has been weighing heavy on my spirit and I've struggled to understand why God doesn't stop injustices like these. I want justice for Boston and for those babies and for the innocents around the world who are being abused and mistreated and exploited. All of that suffering together feels like it weighs a million pounds and lately I've felt its heaviness in my chest along with the frustration of my own limitations regarding what I can do to help ease any of that suffering.

But, a quote I read this week keeps coming to mind and I've been pondering it, wondering at its implications and feeling hope that perhaps there is something I can do, and am already doing.

"Peace in the world begins with peace at home."

I have no idea who said it, but the simplicity of that statement rings with so much truth. I can't help but think of those two brothers in Boston who orchestrated all that tragedy, and wonder what their experience was as boys growing up far from this country. I can't help but think that the homes and the families that so many children like them are growing up in are places without peace and without the sense of physical security, emotional safety and spiritual nurturing that a child desperately needs.

I'm mulling all this over as I consider Sam and the little one that we anticipate meeting this summer. What kind of home are we creating and how will it impact the spirits of our children? Rachel Jankovic, who blogs at desiringgod.com writes in one of her essays about the sacrifices of motherhood and the weight of the little things we do in the lives of our small ones. It struck me how all those little things given and sacrificed and sometimes even wrung out of us add up and shape the childhood that becomes the foundation of our children's stories. I needed her reminder:

"God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers."

What I do at home as a mom matters. To my children and to the people whose stories will intersect with theirs.

And yet, peace in my home may come at a personal cost to me at times. It will affect what television shows and movies we watch, what music we listen to, who we allow into our home, the kind of conversations we have and the tone of our voices when we talk to each other, what media we allow and what books we read. All the little decisions we make to create a home that is a refuge where our children will become who they will be, all of this carries immense weight. It matters and the proof of that is all around us in the choices that are being made by so many who are unfamiliar with peace in their homes and in their hearts and their lives.

Being a parent comes with what feels like an infinite number of responsibilities. But, I'm beginning to think that perhaps cultivating a home that shelters and nurtures and protects and radiates peace is one of the most important offerings we can make as parents.

Even as I say that, I know that I'm incapable of making that happen on my own. Matt and I are going to make mistakes, maybe even big ones, as we attempt this. But, I'm reminded of the scripture that says, "He is our peace," and there's relief in knowing that ultimately, Jesus is responsible for the peace that we so desperately need. If I'm welcoming him into my heart and my home, peace will follow.